We have had the oddest phenomena occurring lately at our house.
Xander does something to Ari: hits him with a toy, pushes him, pulls him, whatever. It makes Ari cry.
Jonathan immediately goes to discipline Xander as punishment. He puts him on time out for five minutes in his bedroom.
Ari then stops crying and starts screaming at Jonathan, and hits his leg (the highest part he can reach) as hard as he can. "No yell Xander! No Xander time-out!"
We get on Xander's back for making Ari cry, and then Ari attacks us for punishing his brother. I don't get it!
I don't get it either but it's apparent that Ari loves his brother and he can hit him but no one else can....even his father or mother.
ReplyDeleteI think this is a problem of communication between the boys and misinterpretation by the adults.
ReplyDeleteHere's my theory: 1) When Xander hits Ari, Ari isn't crying for help, he's telling his brother he's unhappy; Ari hasn't yet realized that he can hit back. When he does, woe unto Xander.
2) Ari sees Daddy punishing Xander--Why? Ari has no idea that he himself has
caused the attack on his brother. His crying was a message to Xander. Why is Daddy getting involved here? Why is he punishing Xander?! Stop it Daddy! Shame on you!
3) Maybe, when such incidents occur, Mommy and Daddy should make Xander apologize to Ari, and see that the boys "make up."
Anyway, that's my take on Xander's attack on Daddy and defense of his brother.
ps.. As for Xander, he knows very well why he's being punished, and Ari's coming to his defense only makes him feel more guilty. OY! not good for anybody.
I might agree with this Savta, except that there's a faulty premise: Ari DEFINITELY hits back, and does so often. And the crying isn't at Xander, but coming up to us, "Xander huwt me!" Like he's telling on him. But when we put Ari on time out, Xander's fine with it. We do make the boys apologize to each other, too. And I only wish it made X feel more guilty... he usually tries to justify his actions in some way! We would just try to ignore it more, but the school is telling us to nip it all in the bud, because when we didn't, Ari would hit other people in his class.
DeleteMy theory sounded so good from here in Israel, 6000 miles away, until you exposed it as fantasy. SORRY. In the bright light of reality, I can only conclude that Xander is Xander, and Ari is Ari, and each one is his own fella. I think Jan's explanation is probably closest to the truth.
DeleteDon't be sorry at all, Savta! What you said makes perfect sense. You just lack the other context because I don't post everything to the blog. I'd agree with you if I wasn't present at the time! Maybe I can videotape some conflict and send it along via YouTube...
DeleteNo need to post videos of conflict...that stuff is inevitable and needn't be recorded for eternity. I just prefer to live in my Garden of Eden, with the figleaf in place. Your blog is well-balanced, reflecting Life with the Lovings: Up, Down and Sideways.
ReplyDelete