...."our child is happy!" So why the PAIN? Why the BUT?
So Jonathan would be happier buying the cannon and Michal would be more comfortable buying the pink...so why don't you each follow your own inclination? Dump the PAIN and the BUT. It's not about you! You want to make your child happy, and you succeeded.
And while we're on the subject, love is not enough; never was, and never will be. My sofa is filled with patients who were loved, but, unfortunately, not in a healthy way, not in a way that helped them to become the best them possible. Children need structure, a structure with some flexibility, but structure nonetheless. Children need to be able to be who they are, in an environment that supports their individuality. They need to feel heard, feel cared about, and to be safe...emotionally and physically. Love is secondary--important, but secondary. Love is not enough, not in childraising and not in marriage. Liking your children is far more important than loving them. Providing structure and kindness are far more important than loving them. Giving them hugs and expressions of your affection (aka contact comfort) is far more important than loving them. Love will not save the world, nor will be it raise a child. It just makes the person who is giving the love feel important.
Making our children happy is not our job, or should it be the highlight of our parenting life. Parents who care too much about making their children happy are parents who create future business for me. It is unhealthy for the child and the adult. Knowing who you are as a parent, what you stand for, your values and what you want to impart to your child, and then being consistent about it, is far more important than making a child happy. If you don't want your child to play with toys that are weapons, then don't buy them toys with weapons, period. It is your value and you are entitled to it.
Yes, love is definitely a verb as well as an emotion. I know that you act in loving to your kids every day. You give them time, attention, encouraging words, hugs, rules to keep them safe and healthy, and experiences that expand their view of the world around them.
...."our child is happy!" So why the PAIN? Why the BUT?
ReplyDeleteSo Jonathan would be happier buying the cannon and Michal would be more comfortable buying the pink...so why don't you each follow your own inclination? Dump the PAIN and the BUT. It's not about you! You want to make your child happy, and you succeeded.
Love is ever-triumphant!
And while we're on the subject, love is not enough; never was, and never will be. My sofa is filled with patients who were loved, but, unfortunately, not in a healthy way, not in a way that helped them to become the best them possible. Children need structure, a structure with some flexibility, but structure nonetheless. Children need to be able to be who they are, in an environment that supports their individuality. They need to feel heard, feel cared about, and to be safe...emotionally and physically. Love is secondary--important, but secondary. Love is not enough, not in childraising and not in marriage. Liking your children is far more important than loving them. Providing structure and kindness are far more important than loving them. Giving them hugs and expressions of your affection (aka contact comfort) is far more important than loving them. Love will not save the world, nor will be it raise a child. It just makes the person who is giving the love feel important.
ReplyDeleteMaking our children happy is not our job, or should it be the highlight of our parenting life. Parents who care too much about making their children happy are parents who create future business for me. It is unhealthy for the child and the adult. Knowing who you are as a parent, what you stand for, your values and what you want to impart to your child, and then being consistent about it, is far more important than making a child happy. If you don't want your child to play with toys that are weapons, then don't buy them toys with weapons, period. It is your value and you are entitled to it.
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ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteYes, love is definitely a verb as well as an emotion. I know that you act in loving to your kids every day. You give them time, attention, encouraging words, hugs, rules to keep them safe and healthy, and experiences that expand their view of the world around them.
ReplyDelete