My most oft-repeated reading

I realized that I have read two books, or parts of two books, countless times, over and over and over, since I became a rabbinical student and a mother (which happened at roughly the same time).  I know them well.

What are they, you ask?

The first is predictable.  My JPS Tanakh, or Bible.  One could argue that it isn't a book but more like a library of books, with debatable provenance, but still.  It's one volume and is dog-eared and well-loved.

The second book?  I've read it just as often.

Two or three times a day sometimes.  Aloud.  To my children.

You ready?

(drum roll please)

Everyone Poops, by Tara Gomi.



<headdesk>

Sacramento reptile show 2014

Wow, have we really had Blackie the snake for a full year?  I didn't go to the reptile show over Xander's birthday weekend last year because I was on bedrest... and here it is almost X's bday again, and the baby is walking.

I went this year.

(Did you know that they had a whole booth dedicated to different types of cockroaches, to feed your reptiles?  I am not a reptile lover.)

My oldest child, however, is.  In spades.

Xander excitedly showing Ari a bearded dragon gecko.  Ari tolerates reptiles, but mostly participated because of his brother's enthusiasm.

Laughing uproariously when the snake lifted up its head and stuck out its tongue to smell them.

Proof that I went.  Connor is passed out on me, asleep.  The older boys are looking at the snake's scales through a kaleidoscope.  Right after this we went to the petting zoo and "petted" a giant tortoise, an alligator, and a Nile monitor.  

And now I am home, snuggled with Osher.  Who is a furry, cuddly mammal who purrs.  And life is good.  

Thank you to Liz!

Now Connor has a beautiful blanket just like his brothers. :)

5 lovely things about Rosh Hashanah

1. Seeing friends and temple family at services.

2. The boys were very excited to change into their "fancy clothes" and it wasn't a fight.

3) I fit into all my pre-pregnancy suits!

4) The yumminess of the red apple versus the green apple versus honey versus caramel taste test.

5) Jonathan made cider.

My family in shoes.

All the Lovings wish you a shana tovah, a good new year!

Nicknames for Connor

1) MicroGodzilla
2) Monarch of Mayhem
3) Mr. Mountain Goat
4) King Destroyer (Xander's words as Connor demolished his creation)
5) Poop Factory
6) Hercules
7) Mini-me (Jonathan's term)
8) Lovebug (my term)
9) Milk Monster
10) Little Explorer

Have I mentioned he's a very busy baby?

While waiting for the Honda to be fixed, they visited the Kia dealership next door.  Jonathan said Connor was ecstatic.

Gotta love facepainting

Xander is our homebody. He firmly believes that at least one day a weekend should be a "stay home day," where one never needs to change out of one's pajamas.

Ari wants to get dressed first thing in the morning and explore the world.

After I returned from Shabbat services last week, I offered to take whatever boy who wanted to come with me to a street fair five minutes away; our dentist's office was sponsoring it, and there were free burgers, Jamba Juice, face painting, games, and a radio station was blasting music from a booth.

Ari jumped at the chance, Xander declined.  Connor had no choice but to come in my wrap.

Face painting commenced.  Ari loves Rescue Bots, especially the helicopter bot, but the artist wasn't familiar with him, so she looked up a picture of him transformed into a person:

And now my kiddo:

Ari as Blades

Passed-out Rescue Ari Bot arriving home.  

The best part of this whole story, though, is after we got home I posted the first picture on Facebook, tagging my high school friend who works in Hollywood and who actually co-created Rescue Bots. (Her involvement is what led me to watch the show in the first place.)  Not only did she respond back, but she tagged the actor who voices the character of Blades, and he's going to record a special message for my kids!  I'm so excited!  How cool is that?!

Who are we???

Jonathan just bought an iron.

And an ironing board.

The kids play so hard that almost all their jeans now have holes in the knees.  He's going to sew on patches.

I'm still not over the fact that we bought an iron and an ironing board.

(I know this may seem like nothing to most of you... but 10 years ago we used to pride ourselves on being the club-hopping motorcycle-riding couple who jet-setted across Europe.  Now we own a minivan and an ironing board.  It's still a little mind-boggling at times.)

Our pediatrician cracks me up

I forgot to write that when we took Xander into the doctor's office, we of course brought Connor with us (Ari was at school).

Connor was a very busy baby, as always.  He explored everyone's shoes, walked from the table to the chair and back again, talked and made baby sounds to everyone, and pulled himself completely off the floor while doing pull-ups on the computer keyboard. (We had to stop him lest he break it.)

When Xander was finished and we were getting ready to go, the doctor turned his attention to Connor, whom he hadn't seen in a few months.

"So, is he developing okay?" asked Jonathan, scooping up our toddling 9 month-old.

"Well," said the doctor, chuckling.  "He's a little slow... for a 4th grader."

Happy birthday, Mom!

As a gift, here, have a picture of Ari at school. :)

Our first broken bone

Who: Xander

What: A possible hairline fracture

When:  Two days ago on the playground

Where: A growth plate on his right elbow

How: While playing "stick in the mud tag," which, according to my son, involves running around a lot until someone tags you.  Then you stay frozen and someone crawls between your bent legs to unfreeze you.  Xander was frozen in a weird position, and lost his balance when a friend crawled underneath him.  He fell directly on his arm.

Jonathan walked into school to pick him up, and saw a whole bunch of kids and all the teachers clustered around a child who was lying on the floor, screaming.  He thought to himself, "please don't let that be our child."

Yep.  It was our child.

At the doctor's office.  He has an ace bandage and a sling, not a cast, thank goodness.

And how is he now, you ask?  Fine.  Hating all the attention from his friends who ask him how he is.  And mad at us because we won't let him play on the jungle gym.  Ah, to be 5 again.

The two eldest

Xander the 1st-grader

Ari self-portrait

And we took a bunch of pictures of Connor eating chow mein, but to be honest, they all look really weird, like he's eating worms.  So more pictures of him to come. :)

Rosh Hashanah it is a'comin

Apples and honey as dessert three days in a row!

It's amazing what we can get away with in the name of holidays. :)

Playdate gone awry

On our way to a playdate.

Ran over something on the freeway.

Flat tire.

Pull over. 

3 children melting down.

Call AAA.

Get towed.

Go to the Honda dealership to patch the tire.

It can't be repaired.

$518, two new tires and a valve stem later, the car is fixed.  We make it to the playdate.


This sure was one expensive afternoon.

Xander took these pictures - kid's got a good eye

You just wait, Master Jedi.  Darth Maul and I aren't done yet!

Playtime respite.

Hi, big brother!!!!

WOW!  Flashing lights on cameras are so cool.

5 year old vocab

Me, talking to Xander last night as I get home from work:  "Hi, honey, how was your day?"

X: "Fantastically fantastic!"

Me: "Great!  What made it so fantastically fantastic?"

X: "We learned how to tell time.  On a clock!  Not like on the ones at home."

Me: "Right, ours at home are almost all digital. That means they don't have hands, they have numbers.  How cool that you're learning on the other ones, on the analog."

X: "Yeah, digital ones are hands-free.  Not like the ones at school, those are hands-full instead."


Then he scampered off.  He said it so casually by the time I realized what he meant, it was too late to correct him.  Hands-full.  What a great word!

Brotherly love

Connor crawled right into Xander's lap to get some hugs.

Look at those faces. :)

Ari decided that he and Connor should race.  So he brought Connor's cart over to him, and they actually talked to each other.  (Or at least, Ari talked to the baby, and the baby made lots of sounds back.)

Connor following as best he can.

"No, Connor, you have to turn around!" exclaims Ari.

The next night, tickle fights ensued.

Pulling him down for a hug.

Hugging/strangling is a fine line in our house. :)

Labor Day weekend in pictures

I am a bit behind in blogging because of a Trojan virus that infected my computer.  All hail William the wonder-tech who fixed it all up.  Thank you so, so much!

Connor's face upon seeing my mom when she arrived at the airport.

Ari at the supermarket.  He brought along his own cart, that my grandmother had given Xander when we visited Israel a few years ago.  He loved being so responsible and putting things in the cart himself!

Me making a smoothie.

Ari taking a picture of me making a smoothie.

Xander and Blackie, friends forever.  I don't have to understand it, just accept it, I've realized.

Cruising around the furniture before stepping out on his own.

Trying avocado.

Liking avocado.  A few weeks and he's taken a major turn: avocado, watermelon, Ritz crackers, chicken, rice and beans, cheese, plum, salami, spaghetti, you name it, he's tried it and loves it.

Reading bedtime stories with Mom.

Being Spidermen, of course.

Last Shabbat

Hehe

First, I have an absolute TON of pictures to put up from mom's visit.  But Saturday I'm at temple a good chunk of the day and then Sunday is the first day of religious school.  So sorry, it might be a bit.

Second, and in much cuter news - Xander made everyone in the family a new type of paper airplane.  And as we're encouraging him to write more, he labeled each one in cursive with the person's name.

Mine belongs to "Mome Loving"

:)

Owie

Ari wandered into the living room at 10:30pm last night, rubbing his bottom.

"What happened?" we asked.

"The carpet hit me!" he said, indignantly.  "Right here."

"The carpet hit you... when you fell out of bed?" I guessed.

He nodded sadly.  And then asked for the ice penguin, the resident cold pack, to put on his boo-boo.

Those pesky carpets, they sneak up on you every time!

X's first day of school

J teaching the boys how to play tetherball.

 Best buds.

Ballet first-grader.

"How To Be the Perfect Mother," by Lyz Lenz

"In order to be the perfect mother, you must do absolutely everything you can for your kids. But not everything because if you do, then you are setting them up for failure in life and ruining the future of America. Of course, if you don't do everything for them, you are completely selfish. You must also cherish your children completely and always, but don't be smug about it, OK? You must never complain about your child, but if you only say good things, you are not being honest and you are fake. So be honest, but why are you complaining? At least you have kids! You chose to have them, so stop your b*tching. But moms these days are so fake on social media, never being honest about how hard it is to be a parent, so don't do that.

The perfect mother always looks nice and isn't a slob. She takes care of herself. But it's important for mothers to know that they need to stop being so vain and only thinking about themselves. You must dedicate your life to your children, but also have your own sense of self, because what are you? Co-dependent? Work out and be healthy, but don't work out too hard because why would you prioritize that over your own children? So, be careful that you don't get too fat, because you are making America obese and your kids will be fat like you and then, probably, Armageddon. On that note, don't wear a bikini, because only slutty moms do that. But also, model healthy body image to your children, or you are the reason they will fail at life.

You should breastfeed, but only if you can do it in a room quietly and away from everyone. Breast is best, but seriously, no one wants to see your boobs. Only selfish moms use formula, but you should probably just go ahead and use it and stop complaining about breastfeeding. No one wants to talk about your boobs.

Working mothers are wonderful examples of modern womanhood, but they are also incredibly selfish to be putting a career before their children. A good mother never puts her career before her children; she also doesn't ever slack at work. Stay-at-home moms are wonderful and sacrificial, but honestly, get a job lady, because what do you do all day? So, definitely get a job, but honestly, why aren't you watching your own children? Using child care is wonderful -- after all, it takes a village -- but why are you outsourcing your motherhood? Why did you even have children in the first place?

A good mother always puts her partner first, except when she values her children above everything. A good mother also advocates for her child, and is never sanctimonious and pushy. Trust your mom instincts, except you are completely hormonal and irrational and you need medicine.

So, mothers, watch over your children and constantly shield them from the big bad world. Also, never be enabling helicopter parents, who do everything for their children and shield them from the world. Never let your kids quit anything -- they must learn perseverance -- but you should empower them to make their own choices. Children ought to be allowed to choose what to wear, but if your kids aren't wearing perfectly matching Tea Collection outfits, you are a terrible parent. The Tea Collection is ridiculously overpriced. But cheap clothing with characters on it makes your kids a walking billboard for consumerism. Good mothers discipline their children. Spanking is barbaric, time-out is ineffective and I'm calling CPS. Good mothers never yell or get mad. Good mothers show their children that it's OK to yell and get mad sometimes.

Perfect mothers understand how privileged they are to be parenting in America. But the French are doing everything better. So, mothers, be confident in your choices, because you are probably doing everything wrong."

Original found on Huffpost.  I have no idea who this woman is, but I love her.