I love linguistics

Are Elvish, Klingon, Dothraki, and Na'vi (from Lord of the Rings, Star Trek, Game of Thrones, and Avatar, respectively) real languages?  Click on this link to watch the TED talk.  It's fascinating, well-worth the five minutes of  your time.

Pictorial recap of the last week

Xander built this marble run completely by himself, with no help from myself or Jonathan.  And it worked perfectly; the marble went down every single level as it should, it didn't skip anything.  He builds better than I!

 What we saw on Shabbat morning when we got up at the extremely late hour of 8:30am, without our alarm or children waking us up, and worried about what had happened to the kids.

Xander loves math: this is his hundred chart from school, decorated oh so beautifully.

 But of course, art is fun too.  I love the pattern he created.  He told me it was like spokes on a wheel. 

And this isn't a kid pic, but is cool anyway: Jonathan made a cake for William's birthday, and each child had thirds.  Talk about kid heaven!

Other things that happened this week:

- A bike ride to the park

- A new-to-me computer to replace my now-brick of a laptop

- Moving a mirror into the kitchen so the boys can wipe their own faces after meals.  The first time our youngest saw it, he stared at it for 5 minutes saying, "I watch Ari!"

- Opening up both sides of a large box, pushing it into place as a tunnel, and having 2 little ones run behind the couch and around using the tunnel as their exit

- Watching the whole series of Firefly with Robin

- Figuring out how to balance working at home with resting
- Lots of soccer.  Ari's reached the age where he can actually kick the ball back, so he and Xander play quite nicely

And that's about it!

Religious school stuffs

 The first day last week was a family program, so Jonathan went with Xander the whole time.  Apparently they had a blast.

 Snack: grape juice and challah in the sukkah.

 Decorating a tzedekah box.

 That evening we had Will and Noah's family over for dinner in the sukkah.  And since it was still in the High Holiday season, so to speak, we showed them the shofar as well.

Xander doing his best.  I think he may have made it squeak. :)


As an aside... he's counting down to his birthday by how many Shabbats are left until the 7th.  #cuteJewishboy

The good, the bad, and the funny

The bad: My computer died.  Like, made a beeping noise and just blacked out.  And then wouldn't start up again.  I cried.

The good:  I have a husband who's a computer tech.  He had a small extra laptop that had been stored away, broken, in the garage.  He got it to boot up, installed Windows and Microsoft Office and figured out how to redo my remote access to the shared computer drive at work.  Within three hours, I was back online.

The funny:  Just last week I had been arguing with him about being a pack rat.

Jewish mothers and food

Since I'm not moving so well, I offered to make the kids' lunches today while Jonathan took them breakfast in our sukkah.  (Don't freak out anyone, it still counts as resting, it involved me sitting on a stool in our kitchen for five minutes and taking exactly two steps to the pantry and fridge.)

I'm putting things in their lunch... I'm putting things in their lunch... I'm putting things in their lunch.

Jonathan came back to the kitchen and I said somewhat exasperatedly, "Honey, I can't think of anything else to give them.  What do you suggest?"

He started to laugh.  And laugh.  And laugh.

"They're two and four years old!" he exclaimed.  "And school gives them morning and afternoon snack.  How much food do you think they eat?!"

Apparently I kind of overdid it... but who knows, I wouldn't want them to go hungry!!

Congratulations to Natasha and Kevin!

We have a new nephew!  A big warm welcome to Grayson Carter, born today at 4:34am. 8 lbs 7oz and 21 inches long.  Baby and new mommy Natasha are doing very well.

So not ready

My mother says she can't believe that Xander's in kindergarten.  I can believe that, no problem.  I have no emotional issues with that at all.

I DO find it hard to believe that my midwifery appointments just changed to every 2 weeks, and they told me it was time to order the birth kit.

Aaaagh, I'm not ready!

The world is upside down

Xander and Jonathan just left for the first day of religious school, and I'm lying on the couch with Ari watching Dinosaur Train.

Surreal.

And.... bed rest

So.  It's official.  I'm on bed rest, working part-time from home.  It's a very long story: look up the bad case scenarios in "symphysis pubis dysfunction" and think me.  I'm in pain, I'm in bed, it kind of sucks.  Thank goodness for the distraction of work, and for an amazing husband who's doing very well at quasi-single parenting.

That said... call my cell phone, cuz I'm around and in need of distractions. :)

Two completely unrelated but fascinating articles

Both great and worth reading.  "To Parents of Small Children: Let Me Be the One Who Says It Out Loud" by Steve Wiens and "The Importance of Reading Torah During Your College Years" by Deb and Jerry Plovsky.

I'm including the text of both below for posterity.


"To Parents of Small Children" by Steve Weins

I am in a season of my life right now where I feel bone-tired almost all of the time. Ragged, how-am-I-going-to-make-it-to-the-end-of-the-day, eyes burning exhausted.

I have three boys ages 5 and under. I'm not complaining about that. Well, maybe I am a little bit. But I know that there are people who would give anything for a house full of laughter and chaos. I was that person for years and years; the pain of infertility is stabbing and throbbing and constant. I remember allowing hope to rise and then seeing it crash all around me, month after month, for seven years. I am working on another post about infertility that will come at a later date.

But right now, in my actual life, I have three boys ages 5 and under. There are many moments where they are utterly delightful, like last week, when Isaac told my sister-in-law that, "My daddy has hair all over." Or when Elijah put a green washcloth over his chin and cheeks, and proudly declared, "Daddy! I have a beard just like you!" Or when Ben sneaks downstairs in the morning before the other boys do, smiles at me, and says, "Daddy and Ben time."

But there are also many moments when I have no idea how I'm going to make it until their bedtime. The constant demands, the needs and the fighting are fingernails across the chalkboard every single day.

One of my children is for sure going to be the next Steve Jobs. I now have immense empathy for his parents. He has a precise vision of what he wants -- exactly that way and no other way. Sometimes, it's the way his plate needs to be centered exactly to his chair, or how his socks go on, or exactly how the picture of the pink dolphin needs to look -- with brave eyes, not sad eyes, daddy! He is a laser beam, and he is not satisfied until it's exactly right.

I have to confess that sometimes, the sound of his screaming drives me to hide in the pantry. And I will neither confirm nor deny that while in there, I compulsively eat chips and/or dark chocolate.

There are people who say this to me:

"You should enjoy every moment now! They grow up so fast!"

I usually smile and give some sort of guffaw, but inside, I secretly want to hold the people that make these kind of statements under water. Just for a minute or so. Just until they panic a little.

If you have friends with small children -- especially if your children are now teenagers or if they're grown -- please vow to me right now that you will never say this to them. Not because it's not true, but because it really, really doesn't help.

We know it's true that they grow up too fast. But feeling like I have to enjoy every moment doesn't feel like a gift, it feels like one more thing that is impossible to do, and right now, that list is way too long. Not every moment is enjoyable as a parent; it wasn't for you, and it isn't for me. You just have obviously forgotten. I can forgive you for that. But if you tell me to enjoy every moment one more time, I will need to break up with you.

If you are a parent of small children, you know that there are moments of spectacular delight, and you can't believe you get to be around these little people. But let me be the one who says the following things out loud:

You are not a terrible parent if you can't figure out a way for your children to eat as healthy as your friend's children do. She's obviously using a bizarre and probably illegal form of hypnotism.

You are not a terrible parent if you yell at your kids sometimes. You have little dictators living in your house. If someone else talked to you like that, they'd be put in prison.

You are not a terrible parent if you can't figure out how to calmly give them appropriate consequences in real time for every single act of terrorism that they so creatively devise.

You are not a terrible parent if you'd rather be at work.

You are not a terrible parent if you just can't wait for them to go to bed.

You are not a terrible parent if the sound of their voices sometimes makes you want to drink and never stop.

You're not a terrible parent.

You're an actual parent with limits. You cannot do it all. We all need to admit that one of the casualties specific to our information saturated culture is that we have sky-scraper standards for parenting, where we feel like we're failing horribly if we feed our children chicken nuggets and we let them watch TV in the morning.

One of the reasons we are so exhausted is that we are oversaturated with information about the kind of parents we should be.

So, maybe it's time to stop reading the blogs that tell you how to raise the next president who knows how to read when she's 3 and who cooks, not only eats, her vegetables. Maybe it's time to embrace being the kind of parent who says sorry when you yell. Who models what it's like to take time for yourself. Who asks God to help you to be a better version of the person that you actually are, not for more strength to be an ideal parent.

So, the next time you see your friends with small children with that foggy and desperate look in their eyes, order them a pizza and send it to their house that night. Volunteer to take their kids for a few hours so they can be alone in their own house and have sex when they're not so tired, for heaven's sake. Put your hand on their shoulder, look them in the eyes, and tell them that they're doing a good job. Just don't freak out if they start weeping uncontrollably. Most of the time, we feel like we're botching the whole deal and our kids will turn into horrible criminals who hate us and will never want to be around us when they're older.

You're bone-tired. I'm not sure when it's going to get better. Today might be a good day or it might be the day that you lost it in a way that surprised even yourself.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

You're not alone.

And now for a 180 in topic and writing style....

"The Importance of Reading Torah in Your College Years" by Deb and Jerry Plovsky

We encouraged our daughter, Sydney Plovsky, who is a sophomore at Elon University, to read Torah during the High Holidays at her school; growing up, she had been a frequent Torah reader at Temple Emanuel in Greensboro, N.C. Sydney’s response was that she would only agree to chant Torah were she to receive a suitable essay from us, her parents, explaining why this was important. The following is the response we sent her – and by the way, it worked!

Dear Sydney,

It has been decades since I have been asked to write a persuasive essay, and I’ve certainly forgotten proper format, so I am asking that you give me creative license in the writing of this paper. I was amused by your challenge to place in writing why it is important to me for you to offer to read Torah at Elon University over the High Holidays. As it turns out, it was equally important to both your father and me, as he had significant input into our joint reasoning.

We took your request seriously and embarked on some local research. Our friends found your request intriguing, as well, and they provided great assistance in the writing of this document.

We always like to interject a little humor when we can, so Dad and I decided to write our reasons in the “Top 10” David Letterman style. Your ordering may differ slightly from ours but here goes:

The Top 10 Reasons Why You Should Offer to Read Torah during High Holidays at Elon:

1. Reading Torah will keep your Hebrew skills current so you can easily converse on future trips to Israel.
2. Reading Torah is a great way to speak to your ancestors, especially because cell phone reception is not good where they are.
3. Reading Torah is a great way to honor Elon’s commitment to active Jewish engagement. Just a few short years ago there were no students reading Torah.
4. Reading Torah will help reduce the electric bill at Temple Emanuel because your parents will be beaming.
5. Reading Torah is the safest way to get chai.
6. You never know what really hot Jewish guy will be in the congregation watching.
7. Chanting Torah sets an example that it is a special honor and way cool.
8. Reading Torah confirms all those years at Jewish day school paid off.
9. God needs to hear from you now and then.
10. As a community of Jews, reading Torah is one of the most vital threads in the tapestry of your heritage. Simply stated, it’s “what we do.”

We hope you found some humor in the aforementioned reasons. But on a more serious note, our entire family witnessed the atrocities of the Holocaust while attending the March of the Living. As I marched through the death camps, I recall trying to visualize the faces behind the mountain of suitcases and reading glasses. I was horrified by the lost hopes, dreams, and potential contributions of Jews as I witnessed the mound of human ash at Majdanek.

Historically, whenever attempts were made toward ethnic genocide or religious oppression, one of the first things an oppressor did was to take away the Bible of a religious community. More than once in our collective history, our synagogues, our Torahs, and its teachings have been destroyed. I cannot underestimate the comfort and peace of mind it brings to adults and elders in a congregation, and, I believe, all of those who perished in the Holocaust, to know that our young adults will carry on the teachings of the Torah to generations thereafter. Chanting Torah exemplifies your personal commitment to our future.

All our love,
Mom and Dad

Way #467325 my life has changed since having kids

Before children, Jonathan and I would go out to dinner to celebrate an event, or a date on the calendar: when one of us won an award, or finished a class, or we had an anniversary.

After children, we still go out as a family to celebrate, but the reasons are somewhat different.

Last night, we were in a celebratory mood because... (drumroll please) Ari pooped in the potty!  Hooray!!

(See, told you times had changed.)

Given any choice for dinner, Ari decided he wanted pizza, so off to Round Table Pizza we went.  For those who don't know, not only does this restaurant have pizza and a salad bar, but also an arcade game room in the back, as well as board games to be played while one waits for the pizza to be ready.

The game of choice this evening was an updated version of the old-time match game Memory, with superhero cards.  

Ari nibbling on the hors d'vours (love that salad bar), while Xander and Jonathan take turns.


Later that night, Ari proved his potty prowess even further... he was up every three hours going pee, but he didn't wear a diaper at all!  Today at nap he got up and peed as well... HOORAY for big kids!

Rundown of the High Holy Days

The three most common things I heard at Yom Kippur services:
1) When are you DUE?!  Next week?!
2) Thank goodness you're wearing tennis shoes, I would have been mad at you had you worn heels.
3) I really liked your sermon, it made me think.

Three notes about Yom Kippur:
1) Not fasting because I'm pregnant was... fantastic, actually.  I love food.
2) The kids didn't fast, but we asked them to give up something.  Xander gave up chicken nuggets.  He took it very seriously.
3) Ari got so freaked out about using the bathrooms at temple that Jonathan took him home halfway through the morning.  Poor kid didn't even want to use the little potty we keep in the car.

Three reasons why putting up our sukkah only took two hours:
1) We learned how to do it correctly last year and now have all the parts.
2) Tim and Robin, two tall adults, helped.
3) Xander, Ari, and their friends Noah and Will stayed inside and didn't help.  Amazing how much difference that made.  Instead, they decorated it after it was built with fake fruit and our kids' artwork.  After they had washed off their sticky fingers from their apples and honey snack.

The solemn, thoughtful, fun-filled, logistically-crazy High Holiday weekends are over.  Next up, Sukkot and Simchat Torah!

Back to school night

 Back to school night also doubled as an ice cream social.  And while the parents hung out with each other and the teachers, the school brought in a musical troupe to entertain the kids.  Picture a Madonna concert for the preschool set, it was that popular.  Here you can see the kids doing push-ups (I forget why that was prompted).  Note Jonathan and I in the back.

Ari sharing his M&M's with a friend.

Ari the retail overachiever

So a while ago I believe I blogged about how Xander knows how to turn on Netflix, right?  This means he can boot up the Playstation, TV screen, and speaker system, which are three separate buttons on the remote.  It also means he can navigate the menus on the screen to get to Netflix, choose the Kid network, scroll and select a show, and then press Play.

That's a lot of buttons.

Well, the other day Ari woke up at 6am for whatever reason, and decided to copy Xander's pressing of buttons.  We only realized it when we came in an hour later and saw Ari very contentedly playing in the living room, with the TV on and an odd-looking message showing on the screen saying, "Thank you for your purchase!"  Ari then turned to Jonathan and said with a big smile, "I did it MYSELF!!"

Later that day Jonathan checked his email.

Dear J, Thank you for your PlayStation®Store purchase. A receipt of your purchase is below. Be sure to keep it in a safe place for future reference.

Yep.  Ari managed to get into the PS3 online store.  Jonathan forwarded the receipt, and then wrote me the following note:

Ok, Ari bought "Hitman," a first-person shooter/assassination video game that came with all the extra downloadable content.  I felt that this was a bit too violent for him at his current age so I called PS3 and asked that it be removed from our inventory and the amount refunded.  The refund has to be approved by billing, and assuming Ari doesn't download and play the game, the refund should go through.  

The refund should be for $19.99.  Please set a reminder and look for the refund to come through in 5 days. 

I'm hoping that Ari just liked the pretty red display art of the video game in the online store - otherwise that super cute personality of his is a clever ploy of a sinister assassin.  Maybe we should start locking our door at night!

I got the email at work and laughed so hard that someone in the office came in to see what was going on.  Our two-year old made his very first online purchase... and I have to admit, I'm kinda proud!

Using Shakespeare's original accent

Watch the 10-minute video in the article, below.  Quite amazing to hear it on the tongue; it really does make a difference!

Performing Shakespeare’s plays with their original English accent

SEPTEMBER 5, 2013 | 49 COMMENTS

In this short documentary, linguist David Crystal and his son, actor Ben Crystal look at the differences between English pronunciation now and how it was spoken 400 years ago. They answer the most basic question you probably have right now — How do you know what it sounded like back then? — and they discuss the value of performing Shakespeare’s plays in the original accent…

Living in a world of compartmentalization and labels

As of today, Ari is now in underwear full-time.  So last night we took him to Target to pick out his very own pairs.  What patterns did he choose?

Elmo.

Cars.

My Little Pony.

The only problem is, he can't figure out why the Elmo and Cars pairs have that hole in the front that make it so easy, and he has to pull down the My Little Pony ones all the way.  Gendered clothing has always annoyed me, but who knew that even at this level it would prove so practically difficult?!

Spiderboy perfecting his eight-ball

 Xander SOOO super-excited about his new-to-him Spiderman shirt, a hand-me-down from a temple friend.  Not only was it SPIDERMAN, but as he told us, "It has a HOOD!  So now if it rains, I don't need an umbrella!"

Jonathan and the boys were at one point all playing baseball in the backyard.  Later that day, Xander still wanted to play with the bat but it was too hot for us adults to go outside.  So we told them about the game of golf.  When that got boring, Jonathan gave a verbal description of how to play pool.  This is Xander's re-creation, that he came up with all by himself, with Ari watching from the sidelines.

Practice for the big leagues.

Joy

I get back from services, and what do I see in my email?  A beautiful picture of Ari from a few days ago, starting his New Year off with a bang. :)

A Shabbat to remember: pinatas, praying mantises, planes, and deep theology (yep, you read that right)

Friday night was Shabbat in the park, right across from temple.

Saturday morning was a birthday party at, coincidentally, that same park.

There was pizza and cake (the standards) but also a pinata.

 Ari doing his best.

Xander was the hit of the town; he decapitated the pinata!  After his second swing, the horse head flew right off and the body (with all the candy intact) flew right up into the air.  This is the moment post-beheading where he's looking at the upper right to see if any candy would fall.  Alas, it did not.  That was good though, as it meant all the kids got an extra turn at bat.

Also at this party, Jonathan became the Pied Piper when for some reason, a praying mantis decided to perch itself on his wrist.  I wish I had gotten a picture, he had about 8 kids surrounding him while he gave them a lesson on the anatomy and feeding habits of praying mantises.  The best was overhearing another parent talking to their son, "Kai, go run and see Xander's Daddy!  He captured a bug!!"

Later that evening the younger set stayed with Jonathan while I went to temple.  First we had Havdallah, the ceremony closing out Shabbat.  It officially begins when one can see three stars in the sky... and I was highly amused when two out of our three initial stars turned out to be planes.  The senior rabbi helped everyone out by explaining something crucial to the congregation: we only count stars if they aren't moving!

Following Havdallah, I taught the study session for 60+ people preceding the S'lichot service, the penitential service kicking off the High Holiday season.  S'lichot is all about praying to God for forgiveness for what one has done in the past year, and the prayer book is very specific in its conception of God... but very often, the God of the prayer book is NOT what people relate to.  So my lesson was titled, "What Does God Mean to You?" and it was an interactive, pick-from-over-45 statements (with the pieces of paper pinned in envelopes to the wall) of what you believed God was.  All the statements came from seven different Jewish theologies, from Biblical to pantheism to religious existentialism to mysticism, and once everyone had created their own theology, we talked about where everyone was on the spectrum.  Some people were shocked by where they fell, others felt good just putting a label to their beliefs.  The session went very well, and I felt honored that so many people shared so much of themselves with such a large group.

It was a very full two days, to say the least.  And now we prepare for Rosh Hashanah tonight... shana tovah, Happy New Year, to everyone who celebrates!*


*Addendum:  We decided that full-on preparation was just too much, but we set a beautiful table with all our finery, got yummy dinner food from Boston Market (brisket! chicken! dill potatoes!  green beans! etc!), round honey and raisin challah from a local bakery, apple crisp for dessert, and said all the appropriate blessings... the kids fell deeply asleep soon after dinner, and I waddled my way to services stuffed to the gills.  Ah, the New Year. :)

Have I mentioned how much I love getting our haircuts at home?

All hail our stylist, who does cuts and color for the pregnant woman's family at the house!  I know it will change back in three months, but for now, I'm milking it for all it's worth.

 Post-haircut, being handed a mirror and not quite registering what to do with it.

 Oh wow, I can see myself in here!

 Mommy, Daddy, woah!  I have so much less hair!

 I think I like it.

 If I make funny faces, maybe I won't notice I'm getting my hair cut.

Happy with the end results.

Zichrono livracha, may his memory be a blessing

I'm a little bit in shock... a friend and former congregant, Scott Hinkley, passed away on Saturday from cancer.  He was only diagnosed last month.  This was the guy who Jonathan would hang out with whenever we went to my student pulpit in Richmond, IL - they would talk World of Warcraft, role-playing, and other aspects of geekdom.  I created a home-based Judaica curriculum for his now nine year-old daughter, Lilly.  I can't even imagine what his family is going through.

Scott's eulogy is here - he will be much missed.